Continuing our series of articles from our Annual Report 2023/24, we outline here our work on our Community Counselling Initiative.
Through counselling for women victims of genocide rape, Survivors Fund (SURF) and Foundation Rwanda have provided counselling in a well-structured peer support approach to a total of 840 mothers through our Community Counselling Initiative. Of these, 80 received counselling during 2023.
The project includes in-depth monitoring and evaluation, surveying the women before, during and after working in the counselling groups. This provides the ability to track the changes in their circumstances and monitor their wellness, whilst also providing feedback to ensure that the counselling groups are having a positive impact and are helpful to the women.
These women, who were previously marginalised, stigmatised and alone in their trauma, can build their confidence and self-esteem, increase their knowledge, enhance positive emotions and reduce shame. The counselling groups also helped to improve relationships with their children and family.
Since 2016, we have extended the approach of group counselling to develop community counselling for the children of the women survivors too, as youth born of rape face great challenges related to trauma and social stigma as well. They are described as carriers of “deviant genes” and are often marginalised in their families and communities. In instances occurring during wartime, many societies have adopted hateful labels such as “children of shame” or “children of bad memory”.
Many mothers are starting to speak out against the negative perceptions and stigma associated with children of rape and disclosing to their children the circumstances leading to their birth. Many mothers attest that after disclosure the children now youth, need psychological support.
The youth retreats in 2023 brought together 30 youth to receive group counselling, reproductive health training and career guidance. This has provided vital support and assistance otherwise unavailable to them.
M.C *
M.C is a 29-year-old woman living in Gasabo district, Kigali City. She is the firstborn in a family of 5 children. She has shared with others during the youth camp that her recovery journey began with online counselling, continued with individual counselling, and progressed through Phases I and II of the Youth Camp in 2023.
She said, “I am the mother of a 7-year-old child. I was legally married, but after 3 years, I separated from my husband due to his drunkenness and inability to effectively fulfil his family responsibilities as a man. On the other hand, I used to experience headaches, anger, difficulty sleeping, isolation, and a feeling of being tired with life, leading to three suicide attempts.
“After the separation, I went back to live with my mother and her husband. The situation worsened in our family, with persistent conflicts often resulting from my anger to the point where blood emerged from my ears at times. This continued to the extent that I was on the verge of madness, and it was then that I started calling the SURF/Foundation Rwanda Counsellor who helped me online. Thereafter, I continued to have individual face-to-face counselling sessions with her. Through her help, I came to realise the causes of the conflicts and the reasons our marriage failed, which were due to my own wounds, but also because my husband was carrying wounds as a survivor of the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi. I was advised that both my husband and I needed more psychological support, which is why I was referred to a psychiatrist, even though we were already separated.
“The support I received through individual counselling enabled me to approach my husband and ask him to seek medical care for a better life. I attended the Youth Camp after I had started receiving treatment from a psychiatrist. Initially, I thought I was the only one separated from my husband, but I found others with similar cases.
“Meeting with others who shared similar problems and life experiences and learning about the roles of each partner in creating a happy and safe family, helped me accept what had happened and decide to reunite with my husband once again. My husband appreciated the counselling services I received, which indirectly affected him. He now sometimes advises his alcoholic friends to seek help from mental health professionals to prevent the harmful effects of alcohol.”